Infidelity in Relationships
Jo Collier, Amanda Dorman, Kenny Plank & Darren Vandergriff
- Defining Infidelity to Create Shared Meaning
- ________________= unfaithfulness to a moral obligation
- _________________= voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband
- _________________= to deprive of something valuable by the use of deceit or fraud
- _________________= a romantic or passionate attachment or episode between lovers typically of limited duration; a matter occasioning public anxiety
- _________________= in relation to an adulterous partner, the primary partner is the faithful partner of the unmarried heterosexual or homosexual cohabiting couple; a “spousal equivalent.”
- _________________= to have casual or illicit sexual relations with a woman or with many women; especially : to be sexually unfaithful to one's wife
- _________________= a woman other than his wife with whom a married man has a continuing sexual relationship.
i. Other less-sexist words for this are _______________ & _______________
- The Dark Communication of Infidelity in Relationships
- Unhealthy Roles and behaviors of the people involved
i. The Cheater
1. Famous Cheater who lied to the Outside Person _________________
2. Famous Cheater who lied to Primary Partner ____________________
ii. The Primary Partner
1. Famous Ignorant Primary Partner _______________________
iii. The Outside Person
1. Famous Mistress ____________________
2. Famous Outside Man _________________
- Healthy Communication
- Pre-Cheating, Preventative Constructive Communication
i. Shared meaning, mutual understanding discussion
ii. Red Flags
1. Does your Partner Thrive on ____________________?
2. Did your partner have more _____________________?
3. Does your partner have a lot of _______________ friends?
4. Does your partner have friends who________________?
5. Did/Does your partner have a parent who _________________?
6. Did your partner in _______________________ a past relationship?
7. Does your partner feel that infidelity is not __________________?
iii. Emotional Infidelity: A fertile ground for an affair
þ You have horrible fights that often begin over small issues.
þ You have little or no sex.
þ You feel like you don't have much in common anymore.
þ You resent past treatment by your spouse that you can't get past it.
þ One of you feels controlled by the other.
þ One or both of you is simply no longer attracted to the other.
iv. The AIDS Pact—a conversation to save your life.
- Post-Cheating, Healthy Communication
1. Regaining Trust
2. Giving up the warden mode
4. Giving up the victim mode
5. Re Connecting
þ Have Five Touch Points a Day
þ Have Four Talk Points a Week
þ Have a Weekly Date Night
þ The Honeymoon Night
ii. Breaking Up
1. The Pros and Cons
2. Leaving for the right reasons
3. Interested outside parties
- The Third Alternative
i. Non-Monogamy= ____________________________________________________
ii. Swingers = _________________________________________________________
iii. “An Understanding”